I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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