I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
