I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize