Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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