Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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