i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
