I think I died a long time ago.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
