Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize