ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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