They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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