New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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