i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
