mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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