just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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