So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
