He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
