his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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