I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We got so high we made milksteak
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
