White coat. Heels.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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