So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
