they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
