Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
