Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
