I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Success! We fucked roommates!
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