I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
