I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
