It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
