I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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