I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
