She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
