the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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