You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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