You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
