I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize