Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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