Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
