For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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