i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
