Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Damn victory sex feels great
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
