I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
