I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
