I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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