if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
