We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
