Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
