Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
