I'm lost and stupid without you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
