omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
