i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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