i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
