my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
