Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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