Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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