Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
