I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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