He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize