is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
