what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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