i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
