Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
