Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize