I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
