On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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