I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can i not drive my cunt home
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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