Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
