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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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